Open Pages

On Working and Giving

2008-03-21T04:20:00.000-07:00

Today's proverbs talked about working in order to provide for our own needs and the needs of others who depend on us. But this should not be the end of our purpose for labor. We should also be able to share and give to the needy and the weak who needs our support and help. We must not forget to give our tithes on top of everything else.
--> work and labor
----> faithfully give our tithes
------> support self and family
----------** save for rainy days, manage money well by not spending more than I earn
--------> give to others
----------** time, money, friendship, service

Dear Lord, help me to be your instrument of good deeds and blessings.

On Being Racially Discriminated

2007-04-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

It dawned on me today that the major root of my classroom management problem is that because I was being treated with racial discrimination. This morning I was trying hard to get my students attention to no avail, but when my black co-teacher spoke to my class they all went really quiet. She didn’t even have to yell at them. When she said ‘I want you to stop talking’, the kids listened. When I said the same thing students ignored me. They always have something to say to me no matter how much I asked them to pay attention and be quiet.

I remember hearing a student long ago making a comment, ‘she can’t teach black kids’. At that time I ignored that comment, now it’s getting clear. Maybe he’s right. I can’t teach black kids. I can’t, unless they let me.

Students would make an issue over my pronunciation. Today a student never stopped laughing no matter how I try to ignore her. When I asked her to keep focused she kept on ignoring me and treated me like trash.

Coming from a different culture, I have the mistake of always assuming that students will show respect. That's why I get really very hurt when it doesn't happen. In my kind of teaching environment one has to struggle everyday to be heard, be seen, or if you're lucky, be respected.

Today's Reflections

2006-08-16T06:18:00.000-07:00

"So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God's hands, but no man knows whether love or hate awaits him." Ecclesiates 9:1
~ One can only try hard enough to be loved and accepted, but there's no guarantee, no matter how hard we try. This is one of the most painful experiences we can have. After doing what we think is right, after giving with all our heart, doing the best we can, trying hard enough everyday, after doing all these sometimes we'll still receive hate and indifference instead of love and acceptance. Students won't appreciate you. Friends will turn their backs on you. It's painful. But, God's comfort and His love far exceeds any heartbreaks. God is more than enough. He is above all. His love endures forever. He is a faithful sweet-loving friend. Sweeter than bestfriends, sweeter than boyfriend, sweetest of all. For when we look closer we'll realize that we do what we do, for Him. So whether or not others accept our acts of love and kindness, it's Him who we please and serve.

God's promise: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Thank you, Lord.

Trust In The Lord

2006-07-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

I hear this song over and over in my head. It's a song sang by the Kids Praise from one of my favorite albums:

Trust, trust in the Lord
And lean not on your own understanding
In all, all of your ways acknowledge Him
He makes your path straight...

Dear Lord may You always be the center of my life. Help me each day to put my whole trust in You. Amen.

Multi-tasking

2006-07-26T20:46:00.000-07:00

How easily one is able to shift from doing one thing to another will determine his or her multi-tasking ability. Like chatting with someone while writing a blog, at the same time listening to a radio program, checking bank accountssss online, keeping track of ins and outs of $$ (or outs and outs), and that too, worrying about how to lose weight.

I'd say I'm an average multi-task person. Super multi-task people would be those who can do all these and more while half aspleep. Magnifico!

Costly Mistakes

2006-07-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

Literally this means losing $$ because of making some stupid mistakes. Like home tv-shopping. The minute I put down the phone I regret ever buying the product. Anyway, we learn from experience and it's not always free.

People usually make mistakes when the focus and purpose is momentarily forgotten and attention is magically entranced by the seemingly attractive offers at hand. And when the magic is gone, one say "wait a minute, did I just say yes to that? I don't even need that!". Grrrrr...

Unpolished Jewels

2006-05-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

'Students are jewels'. These are words spoken by one of the teachers I met recently. Up to now these words resound to my brain. I pondered and searched my heart. Slowly it sank into my head... gradually I convinced myself. Indeed they are. After all, each child is a precious gift from above endowed with much potential.

With this thought, let's consider our role. Our role as adults is to mold and polish such jewels so that they shine priceless as they grow. But what if we fail to rub-off their rough edges? What if when we are torn between 'protecting' some rights and correcting misbehavior we close our eyes and choose that which is less messy? When we let mischief go without correction and reprimand, we fail to do our role as refiners of these unpolished jewels.

Some may say 'we cannot play God'. But I did not suggest that we make them perfect. I only want to call on parents, educators, school administrators, and loving and caring adults to enforce corrective and disciplinary measures when necessary to mold our children to become equally caring and respectful member of the human race. Let's discipline them in such a way that we bring out the best in them. Let's constantly help them to shed-off unacceptable behavior. For no amount of treasures can buy a man some dignity, honor and integrity. They are priceless qualities brought about by proper discipline.

"Diamonds that have poor to extremely poor polish are less brilliant." anonymous

Lumang Diary

2006-05-21T19:19:00.000-07:00

December 6, 2004
Nagpunta kami ng pamilya ko sa Real, Quezon noong Linggo ng gabi, November 29, 2004. (Tagaroon talaga kami. Lumipat lang kami dito sa QC noong 1984.) Doon na kami inabot ng dalawang bagyo, willie at yoyong. Hindi ko kayang ilarawan lahat ng naranasan namin doon. Kalunus-lunos ang naging kalagayan namin doon at ng mga naiwan pa roon hanggang ngayon.
Noong Lunes ng maghapon ay malakas na ulan ang dala ng bagyong willie. Bumaha sa buong bayan ng Real, Infanta at General Nakar. Nasira ang apat na tulay, daan-daang bahay ang lumubog sa baha, giniba ng troso at baha at maraming buhay ang nawala.

Sa loob ng limang araw na inilagi ko doon ay pangkaraniwang tanawin ang maya'tmayang binibitbit na bangkay sa plasa. May 27 na guho sa kabundukan ng Siera Madre bago makarating sa bayan namin.

Libo-libong troso ang nakalutang sa dagat pasipiko ngayon na siyang inanod kasabay ng tubig,putik, bato na mula sa bundok. Parang bangungot! Akala ko ay hindi na titigil ang galit ng Diyos at ng kalikasan.

Kapag nahawan na ang mga guho at putik ay babalik ako doon upang mag-volunteer. Sa ngayon ay limitado ang kayang gawin ng isang babaeng volunteer. Maraming paghuhukay, paghahawan at paghahakot ang kailangang gawin upang makaabot ang relief goods sa mga nasalanta ng bagyo.

Nakauwi lang kami noong Biyernes dahil na-airlift kami. Narescue kami ng isa sa mga presedential choppers.

Ang mga illegal loggers ay mga kriminal! Dapat silang masilya elektrika.

A Day Off

2006-01-10T08:35:00.000-08:00

The sun shines brightly outside the window as I sat alone, unhurried and placidly in front of my computer. Can any one outdo the sun in its faithfulness and consistency? It never has to take a day off.

It’s only Tuesday and I already needed to take a break from my work. I asked myself, what is wrong with me? Perhaps it’s the age. I’m getting old. Or maybe it’s being away from home. Or is it just because I’m a loser and a quitter?

I just want a day without having to experience disrespect from my students, or having to look and act like a fool while trying to teach a science lesson in the midst of chaos. At this time, I’m sure there’s not much difference to how my students behave in the classroom. But at least I am not there to witness it.

A school official once said that if a classroom is in disarray and there’s no strong behavior management it’s the teachers’ fault. But what if the kids are old enough to choose what they want to do with their life and refuse to listen to anyone not even to their parents? Is it still the teacher’s fault? And what if when they hear on the PA system that if they violate school rules they will be suspended but the teachers will be held liable? When they are bigger and taller and meaner than me can I do anything to keep them from doing what they want? No.

School ma’am would be a more fitting title than being called a teacher. If one would just go to school and act as a nanny or be called a ma’am, she has fulfilled her title. But for a teacher to just go to school talk to the wall and not care, it’s a failure. It’s like the sun failing to fulfill its role in photosynthesis. Futile.

Maybe tomorrow it’ll be better. Maybe by then I’ll be strong enough to be a teacher... once more.

On Taking Praxis Exams

2005-06-09T00:15:00.000-07:00

It’s two more days before my third, and hopefully my last, praxis exam. TWO days!! I have been browsing a thick physics book in preparation for my 0265 Praxis 2 exam. Yes, that’s right! PHYSICS.

I passed my praxis 1 & 2 with much sweat and as I call it, kinareer. Who wouldn’t? Aside from it being a ‘different’ kind of exam than I had already taken, it’s also very expensive. And why do I need to take them and much more pass them all? Sad to say, it’s because of the prospect of working in the US…

Taking praxis exams has actually made my journeying towards immigration sort of become less emotional and less painful. The process of applying for a teaching job to the US became more like an extra challenge: I have to pass one challenge at a time without really worrying what kind of life it’s going to be once I get there. There’s no time to get emotional or to worry because I had to spend most of my time studying while figuring out how to survive without a job waiting for my ‘departure’. At least, whenever I get my praxis results I have a sense of victory. So far, I’ve done well each step of the way.

Also, understanding the kind of exam praxis is helps me know the way they think. It has helped me grasp a little how Americans differ from us pinoys. In my observations, I realized that Americans seem to be not always interested in finding the final and correct answer, they seem to be more interested in the steps involved in order to arrive at the correct answer. While for us, just like most of our type of examinations, there is no easy way, it’s either you know the final answer or you don't. The ‘how’ is not much of an issue. Sort of dogmatic and conservative, it tells us a lot about our values. We believe that in life there’s often if not always, a one and final correct answer to our quests.

In two days I’ll be face to face with a 100-multiple-choice questions from mechanics, electromagnetism, optics, sound, to probably some questions about nuclear physics (I know nothing about this one). If there’s anything I learned it is this: that one is never too old to learn new things or relearn old ones. At 33, at least am not too old. :)

Whether I pass my Physics 0265 on Saturday or not is actually not very important. For one, because I can take it again :D and for another reason, I had my notice of approval for my h1b visa. But, I am pinoy and I value the outcome of my actions. So, I should study in order to pass (that's pinoy), without forgetting to note my learning as I go through the process (now that's american style). :)

Pictures of Poverty

2004-11-22T09:28:00.000-08:00

For more than three decades now i have lived, smelled, tasted, watched, touched, immersed into, struggled, survived, the curse of poverty. Is it my fault? Or my parents maybe, or probably my great-great-grandparents? Do people create it? Are we all victims? Or is it a choice? Are some people destined to be always poor?
The issue of poverty i believe is due to widespread and probably global injustice. But let's not struggle to grasp the overwhelming global scenario. Instead let me share some of my own experiences and true-to-life stories i witnessed growing up in a poor community in a third world country...

Migration... I was 12 years old when my parents decided (again) to go to Manila to look for better opportunities. With all our important possessions packed in several traveling bags and sacks, all seven of us came all the way from our small hometown in Quezon to the big glittering Quezon City. The next 20 years was never near having 'better' opportunities. We experienced floody streets from the slum area where we first lived. And had to daily work for a living. Life in the city was anything but good.

Abuse... My father became a church Pastor in 1989 and his role has exposed us to varrying stories of abuse. Battered wives came to church looking for refuge. Sexually abused houshelp also came for rescue. And physically abused children were as many as there were children in our community. I even saw a child being literally beaten up by her grandmother right in the middle of the street for an offense that did not deserve physical punishment.

Pains... Having very limited capacity in most aspects of life cause a lot of pains to families. I've experienced as a child having very little food on the table. It was bearable but the pain of seeing my mother's face with tears on her eyes as she watched us is still carved in my memory . It was a bitter cry. We never experienced extreme hunger, the worst we experienced was to have very little and to live in a poorly conditioned nipa hut. But I guess the pain of helplessness and powerlessness was the same to all poor people regardless of the level of neediness.

Faith... Perhaps the most number of people who believe in miracles will be found the most in poor communities. I believe in miracles. I believe that God still does miracles. In fact I've seen many times how God surprisingly answers our prayers. In February of 2003 we started to put a public library right in the community where i live. This project was initiated by our church. We bought a bookshelf with faith that soon it will be filled with books. As i put the few books we had then I said a silent prayer that if it's possible could God please fill up the bookshelf before that year ends. The next day I got a call from a family friend asking me to pick up two big boxes of children's books from her sister in the US. That same day i had to buy a bigger bookshelf for the rest of the books. I was amazed! I should never measure God's capacity in human terms.

And so these are the few of my glimpses of poverty. One is never too poor because where our capacities end there begins the manifestations of God's favor. Should we still be caught in the cycle of finding who and which fault is it? I believe we should be more engaged in knowing who can see us through it all.

God bless us all for in one way or another we may be poor. :)

Brief Encounter

2004-09-10T09:23:00.001-07:00

Dear Jun,
I am saddened by your unexpected goodbye. Was it only last year when you joined the summer youth camp? It was a week of fun and exciting activities at the camp rock. You were there as a camper. I was there to speak about personhood. There were many young people like you who were there in the hope of making right what they did wrong and in the struggle of weaving new dreams inspite of the difficult situation they were in.
Our next encounter was few weeks after that camp. You c0ame to join the youth volunteers who'd like to teach young kids. It was during the daily vacation Bible school that summer of 2003. If I remember it right, you gave me a little hard time trying to make you concentrate on learning the basic child care in preparation for the DVBS because you would occasionally escape. I would find you having fun with a couple of other young men playing skateboard. But you were a softened man then. You never resisted my reprimand and never complained whenever I reminded you to go back to your work and leave your skateboard activities for a while. It was a difficult task for me to involve young men like you who had never experienced teaching kids and who are more interested in other things than teaching children. But it was a fine summer escapade for you and me. You didn't turn up during the actual DVBS. It was not your cup of tea after all.
And then I saw you again. It was during the youth leadership training in Baguio City in December 2003. Very good looking and friendly young man. It has now become a very special camp. There will never have a chance for me to see you in one of those camps again.
In January this year, you joined the Oplan Diploma. You wanted to pass the government examination for high school diploma. You wanted to go to college and fulfill your dreams. There were almost 20 of you who wanted to try again. We all agreed that there is always a second chance. We all affirmed that it is never too late to correct what we've done wrong.
I remember, too, that special Sunday. You came to the church and testified about how happy you were because your dad gave you a new guitar! Your face revealed the immeasurable joy you felt inside.
Now after only a year of our journeying together, you had to go. I will never understand why. I am sad that ours was only a brief encounter. We didn't go a long way in our attempt to rediscover a life for you that is different from what you used to have. At the time when you were picking up the pieces, coming to terms with yourself, with God and with your family, just when you were learning to forgive and love yourself, just when you were enjoying your new found life in Christ. You suddenly had to go.
Goodbye Jun. We will surely miss you. I want you to know that we are sorry we couldn't ease your burden and we weren't there when you experienced your deepest hurts. We never wanted you to have lived a difficult life. It is our hope that you are ready to face our creator now that He has taken you home. We love you.

love,
Ate Mide

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Jun Monsalve was one of the members our youth ministry called Kabataang Malaya. He was once a street gang member, a group which was sometimes involved in street violence. He lived a renewed life after he came to know Christ. It was not an abrupt change of lifestyle. Yet his life was a testimony of how God can change the heart and life of a repentant man. Jun was stabbed to death by a new 'friend' in the community who didn't take possitively Jun's reprimand not to treat a common friend badly. Jun died at the age of 20 on Sept 4, 2004.

The Way to A Woman's Heart

2004-09-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

I always complained to my bf about his lack of creativity and inability to surprise me. That's because my language of love is gifts and surprises and his is touch and quality time.

Today we had another 'fight' but we ended up understanding each other more. I had to speak my heart out to him that i expect him to to give me flowers, buy me a music box, make surprise calls often. I know he loves me a lot because he almost didn't get to sleep last night doing photo editing for me. I may have hurt him a lot for being insensitive. But I was hurt too for not being treated like how a lady should be treated. In the end we recognized our limitations, our difficult circumstances, and appreciated what we have.

Lesson learned: It is never wrong to be honest to your partner about how you feel. Let it out. Let him see your heart. If he really loves you, he won't do anything to break it. :)

Welcome to my Open Pages

2004-09-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

Life is more meaningful when one is able to sort the significant from the nonsignificant each passing time. And after recognizing what one considers important, he is able to sit down and mark that moment and imprint the lessons of life for himself and for others to share.
Thank you for taking time to read my open pages. I can only share so much in my very limited capacity during my living and giving days. My life revolves around the people i love: my family, my mahal - arul, my friends, my church family, the children i meet and journey with everyday.
This is my attempt to capture some glimpses of my daily journey. So come and share as we both learn from my Open Pages.
"Life is sometimes difficult and generally short, only what is done for Christ will last".

Shallom
Mide